


A Season's Change

by latenightlionheart



Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, F/F, Friendship/Love, Hotels, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 11:38:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9655781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latenightlionheart/pseuds/latenightlionheart
Summary: Donna seeks out Cameron at Comdex to try to fix things between them.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [polly_perks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/polly_perks/gifts).



> My prompt was "my preference would be a camdonna fic taking place sometime in season 3, perhaps during the time skip or during comdex, where donna and cameron briefly reunite. they could have a fling, or just have a conversation, or get drunk together and forget that they reunited at all."
> 
> I chose the reunite at Comdex part of the prompt I was given. So this is set during Comdex 1990 in episode 3x09. It's what maybe could have happened if Cam had left the party with Donna instead of Joe. Hope this is okay!
> 
> This is my first time writing this pairing and for this fandom, but I love Camdonna a lot!

Donna's nervous, sweating through her blouse in the brisk chill of the over air-conditioned hotel lobby. She hasn't felt like this in a long, long time. Nervous energy, anticipation, sure, but this kind of shaky, heart pounding powerlessness? For the first time in a long time Donna is actually kind of scared. And this is the one thing she can't stand to fail at, not after coming this far.

She knows where to find Cameron, but Donna lingers instead, first in her room, then at the hotel bar. The drink in front of her stays untouched, for now, as she rehearses lines with the fictional Cameron of her imagination. The things she says, the words that Donna's not sure she'll even get to say to actual Cameron, haunt her, echo in her brain. It's not the first time Donna's had these conversations in her mind, it's happened before and after that hazy night, when she was blissed out under a blanket of stars in the soft grass at Diane's. She barely remembers the night at all, but she knows that time she'd finally said the words - she'd apologised to hallucination, trip dream Cam and that Cameron had actually forgiven her.

Other times, though, the conversation doesn't go so well. The uselessness of it all isn't lost on Donna, she knows that in her mind she can make Cameron respond however she wants, - she can make her accept her apology with a smile and a hug - but more often than not imaginary Cameron still doesn't want to listen. Donna understands though, she still hasn't forgiven herself.

Four full years and Donna's lost count of how many times she's picked up the phone and immediately hung up again, unable to dial the number. Somehow even drunk, she can't bring herself to do it, to talk to actual, real Cameron. So here she is again - telling imaginary Cameron all things she's wanted to, needed to all this time.

The lingering continues outside the door of the Atari party. Loud music pours out the doorway, through the long hallway, people flowing in and out, carelessly shoving past her as she braces herself against the wall. They're all so young and excited, Donna thinks, this so-called geek week nothing but one big party to them. She takes one last deep breath, puts on her strongest face and steps inside.

Donna sees her almost immediately, - Cameron never could just blend into the crowd - dancing away in the centre of the room, the centre of attention. Bouncing with a smile to the music, in a throng of peers and fans and Joe - goddammit of course, Joe is here. It's like Cam is in her own world though, drink in hand, body moving to the music, and she's not even looking at Joe's face. Donna can't help but notice how much she's changed, her hair so long now, unbleached in loose braids, ratty t-shirts and ripped jeans traded for an airy slip over a turtleneck. She looks lost in the music, and Donna almost doesn't want to disturb her, doesn't want to rip her out of this seemingly joyful moment. But then she remembers why she's here at all, Donna can't get by just by seeing her, she needs to actually talk to her. So she steels herself and calls out to Cameron over the music.

"Cameron?"

And then Cam's eyes are on her, wide with surprise and flashing with - well, Donna's not quite sure. She hasn't answered but suddenly Cam's hand is clamped down on her arm, pulling her through the crowd and out towards the door. Donna can only shrug at Joe's reaction, his face falling as he watches Cam drag her away without a word.

"Donna," Cameron says, finally releasing her arm. "Thank _god_."

*

After being hustled down the hallway, Donna looks to Cameron for an explanation. They're far away enough from the party that it's quiet here, so quiet Donna can almost hear her own heart, beating out of her chest.

"Cam, what--"

"I'm finally free of Joe," Cameron says with a sigh of relief that Donna doesn't expect. "Thanks."

Of all the scenarios Donna's played out in her mind, this definitely wasn't one of them. "You're welcome," she starts, but Cameron's already shrugging, her body language telling Donna more than her words do. She probably wants to be free of me now too, Donna thinks.

"He was practically stalking me all day," Cameron says, her eyes now focused on the hotel's ugly carpet. "Thought he'd bail on me at the party but he didn't, guess he still can't take a hint."

"Could he ever?" Donna says with a shaky laugh, her voice wavering in such a manner she barely recognises it. "Sorry."

"It's fine. Anyway, uh...I have an early flight home in the morning, so..."

"Cameron, it's been _four_ _years_...don't you want to catch up?"

"I'm aware of how long it's been," Cameron says coldly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Why do you want to talk now? Like, to what do I owe this honour?"

Donna pauses, thinking of what to say, of what she told all the imaginary Cams in all her guilty imaginary conversations. But none of those well rehearsed lines seem right with the real Cameron looking back at her like this, more wounded than angry.

"I just-- missed you."

"...So?"

Donna touches her shoulder, gently. "So, can we talk? Come to my room and--"

Donna braces again, fully expecting Cameron to throw her hand off her and storm away. But she doesn't. Cameron just looks at back her sadly and Donna wonders if it's from loneliness or pity or both.

"Fine."

*

"I really need to be more drunk for this," Cameron says, reaching for the minibar door. "Can I?"

"I can afford it," Donna says, realising it sounds like a brag when Cameron's nose crinkles. "But I have a bottle of whisky in my suitcase over there."

"There you are saving the day again," Cameron says, as Donna passes the bottle over. They're now both sat on the floor, leaning back against the bed, shoulder to shoulder.

"Oh, I wish."

Cameron takes a swig and winces. "So why are you really here?"

"I already told you, I knew you'd be here and I missed you."

"Oh, bullshit!" Cameron shoots back, and there's the anger Donna had expected earlier. "Four years and _now_  you miss me? What do you really want, Donna?"

"I want to make things right," Donna says, her heart twinging when Cameron shifts beside her, panic flooding through her. "I want--please, Cam, don't..."

But Cameron's just moved to grab the bottle back. "What? I'm listening. I mean, not sure I believe you at all, but I'm listening."

"I don't know what I can say to make you... I tried to call, so many times, believe me--"

"But you didn't."

"No."

"So why now?" Cameron repeats and Donna shuts her eyes with a sigh.

"I need you."

"You need me?" Cameron says, incredulous. "I'm surprised you even thought of me at all."

"Yes, I need you! I miss working with you, I miss our friendship, I miss... _everything_." Donna's just rambling now, the words falling out faster and faster. "It's so funny...I'm actually more successful than ever but now I feel like a failure. And like I'm totally alone. It's not the same, Cam, it's never been the same and it won't be, not without you."

"Wow. You're really-- just _wow_ ," Cameron says, shaking her head. "You're a mess, you know that?"

Donna knows, god she knows, but she also knows this might be her only chance. Her only chance to finally say what she couldn't, what she really, really wanted and needed to say all this time.

It's so late and Donna is so drunk and Cameron's face is so close to hers and _fuck_ \- what did she want to say to her? Right now she wants to say, don't go or or better, please stay but...

"I wanted to say, I'm sor--"

"Shut up, Donna," Cameron whispers, leaning to press her lips to Donna's, and she does.

*

Donna awakens in her hotel bed alone and for a moment, she thinks maybe it was all a dream, that she'd chickened out of talking to Cameron after all, or that it was just another hallucination and it was all a lie, again.

But then she sees it, on the nightstand - a note scribbled on a napkin in Cam's unmistakable scrawl.  


_I missed you too._

  



End file.
